Lay quietly, my lame little horse

Ah, the seemingly brilliant Bic Wite-Out Correction Tape.

When I first saw people using this handy little thing, I’m not gonna lie -

I was excited.

I mean, Wite-Out is vital to those of us who love the stroke of the pen,
but can’t deal with those messy little errors.

[Ooo. I'm cringing just thinking of those messy little errors.]

[Naughty.]

But unfortunately,
Wite-Outs are known to dry up,
to get chunky,
to be too runny,
to take too long to dry...

OY.

In short, the classic Wite-Out came with a myriad of problems, although you, the consumer, are simply and innocently in need of the perfect, unscathed document.

Then along comes a little rolly thing.

[Magiiiiiiic]

Which applies tape with one swift stroke.
And is ready almost instantly for to write on.

Perfect for speed freaks and neat freaks,
which is pretty much the dominant personality of today’s consumer sector.

So of course,
I got one.

And was damn excited.

But then, this happened:

What you see above is some f-ed up correction tape.

The tape itself got pulled out by some unforeseen force (most likely a pen or a lip balm)

INSERT SHOUT-OUT TO BURT'S BEESWAX LIP BALM HERE!

And like one of those ooooold-fashioned VHS or cassette tapes ("old" ha - that makes me laugh), it was past the point of no return.

No sort of acrobatic shimmying was gonna get that baby back in there.

[insert look of disappointment here.]

Now,
some may argue that I didn’t “store” it correctly.

Mmm, okay.

Well, let me tell you what I think about that crappy excuse:

it’s freakin’ wite-out, not fine china.

and if I need to throw it in my bag on the way to a meeting,
its gotta survive the hard-knock life of being shuttled about in plush Louis Vuitton bag.

And obviously, the thing didn’t survive.

So what I'm telling you is
[now listen closely]

the tape...

is a pussy.

I don’t even know what to do with this now.

I mean, look at it.
It’s so pathetic looking.

Like, I kind of wish... it were a lame horse and I were a cruel person so I could just shoot the goddamn thing and put it out of its misery already.

Sigh.

Conclusion?

Money poorly spent on an imperfect tool that is supposed to make your writing perfect.

(When in actuality, you just wanna chuck that piece of crap across the room.)

Wanna see more bic products?
Or at least this baby in all its former glory?

Go to http://www.wite-out.com/ to explore… Wite-Out ?

(Man, these people must hate their jobs.)

Yup, sad product from [most likely - we don't judge people here, just the stuff they make] sad people who think of ways to improve Wite-Out all day.

[Kill me now.]

While in reality, the classic one's still your best bet, faults and all.

(And yes, it is trademarked as WITE-OUT – not WHITE-OUT.)

Fascinating, though slightly infuriating to the well-trained speller, believe me, I know.

Blech.