Lay quietly, my lame little horse

Ah, the seemingly brilliant Bic Wite-Out Correction Tape.

When I first saw people using this handy little thing, I’m not gonna lie -

I was excited.

I mean, Wite-Out is vital to those of us who love the stroke of the pen,
but can’t deal with those messy little errors.

[Ooo. I'm cringing just thinking of those messy little errors.]

[Naughty.]

But unfortunately,
Wite-Outs are known to dry up,
to get chunky,
to be too runny,
to take too long to dry...

OY.

In short, the classic Wite-Out came with a myriad of problems, although you, the consumer, are simply and innocently in need of the perfect, unscathed document.

Then along comes a little rolly thing.

[Magiiiiiiic]

Which applies tape with one swift stroke.
And is ready almost instantly for to write on.

Perfect for speed freaks and neat freaks,
which is pretty much the dominant personality of today’s consumer sector.

So of course,
I got one.

And was damn excited.

But then, this happened:

What you see above is some f-ed up correction tape.

The tape itself got pulled out by some unforeseen force (most likely a pen or a lip balm)

INSERT SHOUT-OUT TO BURT'S BEESWAX LIP BALM HERE!

And like one of those ooooold-fashioned VHS or cassette tapes ("old" ha - that makes me laugh), it was past the point of no return.

No sort of acrobatic shimmying was gonna get that baby back in there.

[insert look of disappointment here.]

Now,
some may argue that I didn’t “store” it correctly.

Mmm, okay.

Well, let me tell you what I think about that crappy excuse:

it’s freakin’ wite-out, not fine china.

and if I need to throw it in my bag on the way to a meeting,
its gotta survive the hard-knock life of being shuttled about in plush Louis Vuitton bag.

And obviously, the thing didn’t survive.

So what I'm telling you is
[now listen closely]

the tape...

is a pussy.

I don’t even know what to do with this now.

I mean, look at it.
It’s so pathetic looking.

Like, I kind of wish... it were a lame horse and I were a cruel person so I could just shoot the goddamn thing and put it out of its misery already.

Sigh.

Conclusion?

Money poorly spent on an imperfect tool that is supposed to make your writing perfect.

(When in actuality, you just wanna chuck that piece of crap across the room.)

Wanna see more bic products?
Or at least this baby in all its former glory?

Go to http://www.wite-out.com/ to explore… Wite-Out ?

(Man, these people must hate their jobs.)

Yup, sad product from [most likely - we don't judge people here, just the stuff they make] sad people who think of ways to improve Wite-Out all day.

[Kill me now.]

While in reality, the classic one's still your best bet, faults and all.

(And yes, it is trademarked as WITE-OUT – not WHITE-OUT.)

Fascinating, though slightly infuriating to the well-trained speller, believe me, I know.

Blech.

A Miracle of Bee

Holy crap.

Not only is Burt's Beeswax Lip Balm undoubtedly the master of all lip balms –

it’s natural, smells nice and perhaps most importantly, it gives you that happy tingly feeling in your lips –

but the Burt’s magic just survived my washing machine.

Wow.

I had that monster on double rinse
heavy load
very dirty
super-adulation please
(nerdy word perhaps, but BOO YAH my washer is so intense that it has that option)

Basically, I needed clean what’s second worst to filling your washer with mud – clothes and towels soaked in sweat.

[Insert shout-out to www.pranapower.com here! Thank you, Vasana, for a remarkably fabulous and sweaty morning.]

Okay.

So perhaps sweat is not second worst to mud.
But it IS smelly.
And it DOES need to be aggressively cleaned.

But I digress.
Back to Burt’s story we go...

I began transferring my clothes to the dryer when
*clunk*
something fell out.

I mean, I was thinking hmm, a quarter, a button –
anything but my precious Burt’s.
[I must have inadvertently pulled it out of my yoga bag, trapped in the folds of dirty laundry, poor thing...]

And when I saw it,
I literally screamed like a girl

“oh baby, please be all right – be all right!”

And then I opened it, my heart racing.
It looked... okay.
It looked... normal.

I placed it to my lips.

It didn’t smell like soap.
It didn't taste like soap.

(yes, I did do the quick lick test)

It was actually… EXACTLY THE SAME.

Can I get a hallelujah?

God bless Burt’s and its magical powers.

Personally, I can only vouch for the classic lip balm –
but come on, quality like this has got to run through everything else, no?
Check it out: www.burtsbees.com

Is everything so magical?
Or is this balm its token fab product?

Let me know your personal experiences with the balm and other Burt’s stuff!

P.S. You can find more Burt’s Beeswax Lip Balm at your local grocery store, health food store and/or drugstore.

It's pretty damn popular (clearly, for good reason).